nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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