So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
