Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
