I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
