My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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