did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
