Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Randomize
