Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
smell my finger.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
