you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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