Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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