sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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