Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
