Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
