Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
