I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
