i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
