I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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