Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
