Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
