i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize