I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
