tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
