There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
