I cut my penus on the lid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
