I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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