just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
