OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I met the friendliest cop last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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