ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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