And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
