Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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