I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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