Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
