its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
