I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
