well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
