I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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