Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is my gift to your gina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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