I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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