Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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