She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
