Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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