Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
