there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
