I just saw a hot homeless man
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
