Yo dont text me then not text me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
