oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
