based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
