if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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