Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
