I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
