He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
