I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
