it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU