I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!