Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships