I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
50% drunk capacity currently
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
