when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
bring money and cleavage
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
