standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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