It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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