Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
