I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
