He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
