yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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