your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
