he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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