Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
