The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
