I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
