just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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