She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
