so let's talk penis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
