Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
