Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
