I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
