You surviving the open bar?
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I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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