Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
