But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
