new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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